Defining Oneself
Today is just shy of 16 months from my Acoustic Neuroma brain tumor removal surgery. Through the work of God and the medical teams at University of Michigan Hospital (Go Blue!) I have been given a new life. For over 18 months, having a brain tumor has defined who I am and much of my life.
When a person goes through something life changing like this, it becomes a major part of who they are.
Before my surgery I was a man with a brain tumor. This tumor was going to change my life and their was a chance my life could end. My life was filled with so much uncertainty, I had a hard time making plans for the future. My prayers were filled with asking God to allow me to return to a normal life, a life filled with Him, my wife, kids, and the rest of my friends and family. I prayed that He was not done with me and would bless me with being able to serve Him for many years. Even with these prayers, I was a man with a brain tumor.
While in the hospital and the first couple of months home, I was defined as a man who was physically weak. I had balance issues, learning to hear with only 1 ear, and even had to retrain my eyes to function correctly. I could not fend for myself, and required significant amout of help from my wife and kids. for the first couple of weeks, it was so bad my wife had to help me take a shower. I was still not sure of the side effects I would have and felt incomplete.
As time went on things got better. I continued to define myself as a brain tumor survivor. My energy level was low, there were things I could or should not do. Many nights I came home from work and fell asleep right after dinner. Attempting to Pastor a church and work was to much for my body to handle. As the months went on my energy level began to grow, the list of things I could not do began to shrink. I still saw myself as a brain tumor survivor, that 3.3 cm object removed from behind my left ear defined me. I identified myself as someone who now had a disability due to the damage caused by the tumor and its removal.
Now 16 months later, I had to stop and think about when my surgery was. It was almost as if what happened on May 26th, 2010 was so minor that it did not impact me in any way. It was then that I realized that I was no longer defined as brain tumor survivor, I was just Robert. It was weird, for the first time in over 18 months I define myself as a husband, father, pastor, and business man. There are no longer thoughts of being weak or disabled. Having a tumor removed no longer makes me who I am. It was just a step in this amazing journey of life.
Yes, I still have a hearing loss and will have that for the rest of my life - It does not define me.
Yes, when I get tired I have balance issues - It does not define me.
Yes, I get tired and cold easier than I used to - It does not define me.
Yes, I have a scar on the side of my head - It does not define me.
When I think back over this portion of my journey, I can remember how other people saw me. While I saw myself as weak others saw me as strong, when I defined myself as disabled, they would have said triumphant. Perspective can have a big impact on how something or someone is viewed.
To me this has been a great reminder that God does not define through our own human eyes. He sees us clearly as His creation!
God loves His creation more than we can ever imagine. He loved us before time began, before the creation of the light and dark. God Loves us! His love is not one that will allow us to be defined as week, disabled, or even sinner. His love is so strong that He provided Jesus Christ the one true path to salvation, the one true path to an eternity in Heaven. God defines us as His Beloved!
No matter what you are going through God Loves You! You are so precious to Him that He sent His Son to die on a cross for YOU! YOU are LOVED!
I pray that you let God's Love define you as His child!
May God's love and blessings be abundant in your life,
Robert
When a person goes through something life changing like this, it becomes a major part of who they are.
Before my surgery I was a man with a brain tumor. This tumor was going to change my life and their was a chance my life could end. My life was filled with so much uncertainty, I had a hard time making plans for the future. My prayers were filled with asking God to allow me to return to a normal life, a life filled with Him, my wife, kids, and the rest of my friends and family. I prayed that He was not done with me and would bless me with being able to serve Him for many years. Even with these prayers, I was a man with a brain tumor.
While in the hospital and the first couple of months home, I was defined as a man who was physically weak. I had balance issues, learning to hear with only 1 ear, and even had to retrain my eyes to function correctly. I could not fend for myself, and required significant amout of help from my wife and kids. for the first couple of weeks, it was so bad my wife had to help me take a shower. I was still not sure of the side effects I would have and felt incomplete.
As time went on things got better. I continued to define myself as a brain tumor survivor. My energy level was low, there were things I could or should not do. Many nights I came home from work and fell asleep right after dinner. Attempting to Pastor a church and work was to much for my body to handle. As the months went on my energy level began to grow, the list of things I could not do began to shrink. I still saw myself as a brain tumor survivor, that 3.3 cm object removed from behind my left ear defined me. I identified myself as someone who now had a disability due to the damage caused by the tumor and its removal.
Now 16 months later, I had to stop and think about when my surgery was. It was almost as if what happened on May 26th, 2010 was so minor that it did not impact me in any way. It was then that I realized that I was no longer defined as brain tumor survivor, I was just Robert. It was weird, for the first time in over 18 months I define myself as a husband, father, pastor, and business man. There are no longer thoughts of being weak or disabled. Having a tumor removed no longer makes me who I am. It was just a step in this amazing journey of life.
Yes, I still have a hearing loss and will have that for the rest of my life - It does not define me.
Yes, when I get tired I have balance issues - It does not define me.
Yes, I get tired and cold easier than I used to - It does not define me.
Yes, I have a scar on the side of my head - It does not define me.
When I think back over this portion of my journey, I can remember how other people saw me. While I saw myself as weak others saw me as strong, when I defined myself as disabled, they would have said triumphant. Perspective can have a big impact on how something or someone is viewed.
To me this has been a great reminder that God does not define through our own human eyes. He sees us clearly as His creation!
God loves His creation more than we can ever imagine. He loved us before time began, before the creation of the light and dark. God Loves us! His love is not one that will allow us to be defined as week, disabled, or even sinner. His love is so strong that He provided Jesus Christ the one true path to salvation, the one true path to an eternity in Heaven. God defines us as His Beloved!
No matter what you are going through God Loves You! You are so precious to Him that He sent His Son to die on a cross for YOU! YOU are LOVED!
I pray that you let God's Love define you as His child!
May God's love and blessings be abundant in your life,
Robert
Beautifully said, and an important reminder for us all to look at how we define ourselves.
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